OMG, I think one of the toughest decisions I've had to take so far in my life is whether I should renew my employment contract or not. For the past three months, I've been going on and on about it, -even through my wedding and honeymoon-. What if it's the wrong call? What if I don't succeed somewhere else? What if this is the way life is telling me I'm not good enough to get what I want. What if, what if…..

Finally, I had to make a decision, and ... ( I will come to it later….)

Most people asked me the same sort of questions? "Why are you throwing away such a good opportunity? Why are you quitting a Network position? How are you going to live without an income? You know how many people would die for your luck, opportunity, exposure? "Honestly I don't know, I guess a lot", I would respond, but just listening to those questions gave me more anxiety than I already had.

After months and months of analysis, I was finally able to put it in words. I felt STUCK! I was able to cope with my boss being rude, or with the impression I wasn't appreciated, but I could not deal with the sensation of being trapped in a container with very little oxygen and hefty lid, which no matter how hard I tried to push the top off I wasn't able to stand up. People will never understand perhaps, but I understood and came to acknowledge that it is okay not to want what other people want. What's right for others is not necessarily right for you. With a "great" job in hand, I stopped doing one of the things I love the most, which is writing this blog.

The real reason why I couldn't write it's because I wasn't being honest with myself. I created "Emotional Bitch" because I wanted to be frank and open about emotions, I wanted to write about what makes other women and myself laugh and cry, map out how other women have coped with hardship, use their story as a master class for inspiration, and yes, even write about the ups and downs of our love life. Although life is lovely, it can also be sturdy and challenging at times. As Alexandra Lebenthal said to me over breakfast:

And that’s what I needed to write about. But to be able to do it, I needed to be honest to myself.

So, I followed my gut, I left the company, without a clear answer on how I was going to pay for rent, food, travel, keep up with my social commitments, -ya se, it sounds vain and superficial, but in NYC our houses are tiny, so most social life takes place in bars and restaurants-. I took a deep dive into uncertainty, just clinging to my faith and what felt right.

After resigning, I left the office and head to the subway; Feeling a bit unsettled, but at the same time thrilled because of the uncertainty of what's going to happen next. Knowingly I was going to take that important decision on that day, I took with me my to-go book when looking for guidance ("The 7 spiritual laws of success"), and funny enough, I opened it on page 29, and started reading this:

"The Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire. You don't give up the intention, and you don't give up the desire. You give up your attachment to the result... Anything you want can be acquired through detachment, because detachment is based on the unquestioning belief in the power of your true Self."

I could not continue to be attached to the results I wanted in my old job. Deepak Chopra reminded me that I just need to set myself free of the results, detach myself from them, allow the results to present themselves to me, in whatever shape or form. I know, you cannot just watch Netflix and wait for results to magically appear, but if you have the intention and desire, combined with hard work, detached from the result, you will get to where you want to go.

I can guarantee it won't be as you envisioned it, but you will get there. Trust life, I know I am trusting it right now, and I'll let you know how it goes.

Before you go, please follow me on IG and FB @rebekasmyth, and if you liked what you just read, please give me a heart or thumbs up.

Xxo