Honesty + - Ego = Power
I've always said, the hardest person to be honest with, is yourself; Its more comfortable to put on a facade, than to face your deepest thoughts. And, don't take honesty for granted, it can be a tricky game. If you've repeated yourself "the lie(s)" for long enough, they can become your interim truth.
I grew up thinking I wanted to be a conflict zone correspondent; I praised women who had been, like Marhta Gellhorn, -Ernest Hemingway's third wife-. She went to become one of the twentieth century's most significant and celebrated war correspondents, reporting virtually on every major conflict for sixty years. She opened a path for women in the industry. So, I wanted to be like her.
To become your idol, you need to start somewhere. I experienced good jobs, shitty jobs, even embarrassing ones, everything with one objective, to be like Gellhorn. However, after being in the industry for over a decade, I began to wonder if that's what I really wanted?
When I spoke out loud of this idea, -of a possible career change-, people said because I found a man I want to spend my life with I reshaped my goals, a sexist and ludicrous comment which I often faced. Although that was not the case I never understood why it was a bad thing in the first place, if you are honest with yourself I don't see a problem.
As human beings we evolve, we change, we learn, so reshaping goals is part of our nature, try not to dismiss your inner voice when it's trying to tell you something. I believe it's better to listen to your gut and heart and adjust your goals at any given point in life than to keep on walking on the path you once thought you wanted. Yes, the change will be tedious, painful and perhaps even frightening, but is not impossible.
“Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.”
Social creatures as we all are, we shape our goals and ideals based on the impact of our environment: family, friends, education, etc. I wanted to be a war correspondent because I grew up watching the news and the -women- war correspondents looked so independent and secure that I craved that, more because of what I was going through 20 years back, than because of the real intention.
Ego is the gasoline that helps us run the motor of lies we tell ourselves, and to prevent our ego from getting hurt; we keep on adding gasoline, like myself. Pretending I still wanted to be Gellhorn when in reality I wanted something completely different. No decision is a decision after all.
I remember a friend once told me as she got fired from her job as a TV host. What are people going to say about me when they don't see me on the telly anymore? Well, most likely nothing, I replied. Although there may be some that will waste time criticizing you, most people are busy living their own life, and if not careful you will live your own life through someone else's idea of you. There's nothing more powerful than knowing who you are and what you want.