Have you ever said "I would never do that", "I could never be with someone like that", "No way I should ever tolerate that"? If you have, you are one of mine. But also like hundreds of thousands of women that promise themselves not to be like a, b, or c, and end up being like just like a, b or c.

Back in the day, I was the first one to judge and classify the behaviour of all woman, as if I was any better, primarily I would sentence those who would go out with married men. Well, let's say I ended up swallowing my own words. I dated a married man for six years, although he was going through a divorce, the facts are the facts, and he was still married.

A friend of mine would always defy me by saying, "how can you do it? Although he's getting a divorce, he's got kids. I could never do that!" Well, guess what? She also ended up swallowing her own words.

There are many reasons why we judge other women's behaviour, including our closest friends and family members. Mainly this is because it makes us feel better about ourselves; this is a scientific fact. But circumstances are not static, not because you haven't lived what you swear you wouldn't live, doesn't mean you won't. Life can surprise you in the future. So before we lift our hand and point at someone because of their behaviour, we should wonder if we will forever remain on higher ground to do so. 

Several studies have shown that we don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are, through our own experience. Our sense of right and wrong is based on what we have encountered in life.

When I was dating the "married" man, for my friend to date someone more than five or seven years older was like dating an alien. Now in her 30's, she is dating and falling in love with an older man who is divorced and has three children. Her sense of right and wrong skewed based on her own experience. 

There are many more examples, let's say: You end up dating a man close to your father's age, now you abortion may be an option, you date your best friends ex, you fell in love with an exotic dancer. 

Now you know your point of view can be altered by time and circumstance, so try to transcend the easy way out, the urge of judgement. Without "the experience" you can't judge. You don't know what tomorrows will bring, so girls if a friend or a loved one needs you, it doesn't matter how much you agree or disagrees with her behaviour, be there for her without judgement. 

Remember as we would only be able to judge if we had gone through the exact same experience, which is impossible. Thus it should make it impossible for us to judge. 

With love, 

Rebeka.