When my ego gets hurt the sensation can be so powerful that I feel weakness in my legs, nausea or even rage. What is it about ego that has such an impact on our emotions and behaviour, what makes it so powerful and at the same time makes us so vulnerable? Simple, what we think is survival.

Ego is our self-esteem and our own self-importance. We base our self-esteem in on our confidence and confidence is directly correlated with achievement, good relationships and satisfaction, if one of these three elements feels in jeopardy, our confidence feels exposed, and as a result, our ego hurts.

Let's say you've been having some bad days at work, nothing that you do seems to work, and where you thought once was the place you will rise and shine is now keeping you awake at night because of uncertainty. You feel other people get the glory and no one pays attention to you, you don't seem to be taken into account for any significant projects/proposals; instead, you are facing disappointment after disappointment. Of course, your self-esteem which is your exaggerated sense of value or importance kicks in and most likely it will make you react negatively, through depression or anger. If you feel anger, you might start blaming others - team members, your boss, or the company you work for-. If its depression most likely you will begin to feel you are not worth it, you are not good enough, -a future post will follow on this mater-, you will get ideas that can lead to depression, just because your ego got hurt.

Ego is essential of course. We need it, and there's a reason why it exists in the first place but is vital to understand what ego is so you can be conscious of it and you don't let it rule your behaviour.

On many occasions, people have said to me that I have a big ego. Perhaps I do, but having a big and uncontrolled ego is not always good, sometimes that "big ego" can be counterproductive, can end up limiting you because of your fear of failure. If your ego is not in balance, in one second, you can be feeling amazingly good because someone told you how astounding you are, but the next second when facing difficult circumstances or hard criticism you might feel your world begins to crumble.

When our ego is in balance, you won't be afraid to act, being criticised, to disagree with someone or even make peace with the idea that you are never going to be liked by every single person. We need to learn to face harsh circumstances and learn from them, don't let your big or small ego dictate the way. Don't choose to walk with an intact ego over facing challenges that somehow hurt, but will make you grow in the long run.

Not long ago a friend of mine said to me that she met a guy and actually liked him, and before I was able to ask anything she specified he was the one interested in her not the other way around. After that clarification, I could tell she was very interested in him as well.

She told me they had been in contact for the past four weeks, but for some reason, he had not reached out to her for the past four days, so she was freaking out, -the good thing is she didn’t like him, right?-. The moment I asked whether she had reached out to him to say "hi", she went ballistic! She denied any intention of reaching out to him.

“No! Why would I reach out to him? I won’t do it, If he is interested, he should be the one reaching out” she said.

“Why should it be him, are you not interested?” I asked.

“Well, yes, sort of…” She replied.

“Then I don't understand, maybe he had a rough week, or he's travelling” I kept pushing until I bluntly asked, “are you afraid of rejection?”

“No!”, -a few seconds went by-, “Well maybe”, she replied.

“What are you so scared of, that he won't respond, that you will find out he doesn't like you? Well if he doesn’t then you know where are you standing.” I expressed.

After our conversation, she reached out to him. They never became a couple, but he hadn't reached out to her because in fact he was away with his parents. In the end, it was her who wasn't interested in him, but she allowed herself to go through all that panic for what? Only because of fear that her ego would get hurt.

To get to know your ego close your eyes and envision this. What colour is it? How does it make you feel? What does it look like? What is it telling you? Is it scary or calming? Is it happy or sad? Does it have an evil presence? Does it quietly lurk you into the past? Once you answer these questions you will know your ego, it will become transparent, and it will have no power over you, it's you who will have control over it.